What would Monty Python Say?

SATURDAY, JUNE 12, 2010


What would Monty Python Say?

I mentioned that this was going to be the title of one of my posts to several people. Although it was not my original intention, they immediately thought I must be writing about email. Not one to disappoint; I changed my focus to get right on that to get it over with as quickly and painfully as possible.

I use to categorize my junk mail into categories but I have given up on that. Spam is just Spam to me anymore. However, certain classes of Spam cannot be ignored in a treatise on it.

Scammer Spammers have become far the most flagrant abusers of the email system. I get some very interesting phishing email including some that is written in Cyrillic. I do not read Cyrillic so I have no idea quite what these Spammers are trying to scam me out of. I used to report all phishing attempts. Not any more.

Other Spam has subject lines that are quite trashy. These are the ones I used to delete without prejudice immediately upon receipt. These assume I am either a full blown pervert or recruit me vigorously to become one. Most of these services offered are only available in Thailand. Since most people are familiar with this kind of email I hardly think elaborating on any of the contents is a worthwhile endeavor.

Another class of unwanted electronic mail is entrepreneurial solicitations for anything man has ever thought ever might or might not be needed but more importantly might be bought. A lot of this email is self generated because the “opt out” radio button required by law is not visible or is written in some type of HTML or Flash invisible ink when I sign up for FaceBook or something. These legitimate but unwanted communications can usually be stopped by unsubscribing IF the link can be found amongst the garbage that is the text and then if the link is active and if the full entire process of redirects is successful. That is a lot of ifs. Since so much stuff continues to come to my box from some of the same people after I unsubscribe from their folksy enticement, I must assume that someone else is ratting me out and sending them my email address over, and over and over and over.

Fortunately my trusty Hotmail is always on guard twenty-four/seven. When they find email they even think might be junk they post this message on top of the mail where the body of text should be on a canary yellow background: “This message was marked as junk and will be deleted after ten days. Messages in the Junk folder never get opened automatically.” If they think the Spam might contain nasty code they post on a pink background: “This message was marked as junk and will be deleted after ten days. This message has been blocked for your safety.”


Right now I have 100 messages in my Junk Mail folder and I am pleased to announce some of these things including my fabulous providence:

Amount of winnings: 1,265,854.18EUR / 1,819,538.80 USDA…

Beloved My Condition has become so critical…

Attention! Your PayPal account has been limited!

I am Mrs Caroline Benson.From south Africa. I am living in ABIDJAN…

Compliment of the day to you my name is Garry Loopy finance manager Bank of Scotland…

I wish to seek your assistance for the transfer of US$2AM depository made by a foreign investor…

I'm hereby writing this email to you with great sorrow in my heart and heavy tears in my eyes…

CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU HAVE WON 750,000 Euros…
My name is Frank Abel, I am the branch manager of the Banco del pichincha Quito Ecuador…

I think banks and sick people send a lot of Spam. If you are not getting enough; I can forward some of mine. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh?

Always look on the bright side of life is how I now approach my email. There is a lot of email but MicroSoft and I are working on the problem and luckily, we have been prepared for this eventuality, and are now taking steps to remedy it.

We decided that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! And, we'll not risk another frontal assault. Or, count on Congress or the Queen to intervene on our behalf.

There's some lovely filth down here in some of the Spam folders but I am just going to let it amass there. I used to categorize the Spam as phishing and report it and delete the rest of it daily. I found that rabbit's dynamite.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?

I found out that an argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition. Rather than try to argue or fight it I decided to just let the big boy handle the problem.


Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition so I am going to let MicroSoft delete the stuff after ten days. Mr. Gates can take care of the problem. From the amount I keep getting I ascertained that Mr. Bill, bravely, he is throwing in the sponge.

POSTED BY SRPLUS AT 4:55 AM 0 COMMENTS

© 06.12.2010 steven d philbrick SR+