Lost in Translation‽

SATURDAY, MAY 29, 2010


Lost in Translation‽

Most of the time it seems I am either somewhere in Japan with Scarlett Johansson or in a movie.

What started out as a good day has translated into seeing everything I previously typed underlined in green. And if a sentence is started with what could be an interrogatory WinDoze is certain that the thought should end in a question mark or at least an interrobang or interabang, depending upon how you spell it that WinDoze had not yet been taught.

DakotaDawg was looking at me when I was talking to her on our walk this morning. I was trying to define for her what “Be a good dog.” meant in the context. DakotaDawg and I often have extremely long conversations. Most tend to be one sided but she does not seem to mind as long as the discussion ends in the word treat. Treat is a word that for DakotaDawg has only one meaning regardless of context.

Teaching context to a dog might sound like an insurmountable challenge but I can assure you it is not. DakotaDawg is a very smart dog.

It is my job to try to teach DakotaDawg all the nuances of the English language since I do not speak Hochdeutsch very well despite two years of it in college.

Mercifully, at least for now, that is my intention; I am going to keep this short since my sister is coming to town to visit her students. I could be wrong but I suspect none of them know what Hochdeutsch is. They are three female students who recently or will soon, graduate. My sister’s advice to them was until the economy improves; stay in school. That advice too, seems lost in translation with the possible exception of the youngest one.

I am considering the purchase of Rosetta Stone software. Making a final choice is almost as difficult as trying to figure out if I want to get the DVD explaining how to become a millionaire selling my old baseball cards on eBay or the one clarifying the nuances of WinDoze Word and promises to explain the ins and outs of trying to become familiar with a software program I have been using since I put down the hammer and chisel. Or, at least the feathered quill. With Rosetta Stone there are just too many languages I just do not know including the one I am attempting to type in. And I have not even tried texting yet.

I have some things that I want (and need) to get rid of and I am unsure if eBay is the right way to accomplish that. Do people still cruise residential neighborhoods before dawn waiting to be the first at a yard sale so they can scarf up some Billy Mays reject or a few bargain ShamWoWs?

I know the ads in the local paper are not as many, detailed or explicit since the advent of Craigslist.com. I am considering Craigslist.com too but I am unsure if I want to respond to that many rhetorical or stupid questions thru the miracle of eMail. I will have to talk to my brother about this or see if I can arrange a neighborhood Yard Sale jamboree. I need to sell some junk so I can afford to buy more computer software and hardware.


I spell eMail: eMail, despite how ever WinDoze spells email. I will make sure that WinDoze is not Lost in Translation. Right click Tools. Right click Spelling and Grammar Checker.


Some of the cats are making sleep noises so for me that is not Lost in Translation. They are snoring.

DakotaDawg is on station in the sunroom on top of the lateral file cabinet roaring at someone passing by. I am sure the dog that is out there on a leash taking a leak on our lawn is Lost in Translation because DakotaDawg is still translating that we do not enjoy patches of yellow grass. We like our grass to be green.

Apparently, none of the English versions or “Halt den Mund!” or even “Halt die Klappe!” are in DakotaDawg’s vocabulary. Maybe I need a brötchen. Is it beer thirty yet even if that is not Hochdeutsch?

Please start the remake of Shogun immediately. Scarlett can play Kiku. Bill can be Lord Yoshi Toranaga. I want to watch it dubbed in German so I can explain it to DakotaDawg.

Speaking of Lost in Translation; that is a heck of a lot of makeup and possibly plastic surgery.


And mom, can you explain to me why you threw away all those pristine autographed baseball cards? If I still had those shoeboxes I could sell the contents on eBay. I would then be living in the south of France and could stop flushing my money down the toilet buying these Lottery tickets.