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While waiting on the interwebs I was thinking about finding something nice to say when I decided what could be easier? Invoking my addiction I Googled "something nice to say" and came up with only about 8,660,000 results in 0.61 seconds. Since I did not want to spend my entire life reading all of the suggestions for the exact quote or a different approach, I decided to focus on only the second suggestion: http://complimentday.com/index.htm.
From the home page I navigated to the link for Not sure what to say? http://complimentday.com/ComplimentsPage.htm - Give these a try
“Not sure what to say? Here are a few compliments to chose from. Try adding a specific example to custom design it for the compliment receiver. Notice that all these compliments start with the same word. It's a gentle reminder that compliment giving is about others.”
“You...
...have a great way with words.
...are a terrific leader.
...make working on a project a joy.
...are very creative.
...are a good provider.
...are fun to be with.
...have a great reputation.
...are cleaver.
...make a house feel like a home.
...have a good eye for decorating.
...are a good driver.
...can do anything you set your mind to.
...are capable of accomplishing whatever you believe.
...are a good listener.
...are very cheerful.
...warm my heart.
...sing like an angel.
...are very handsome/beautiful.
...are important to me.
...have a terrific outlook on life.
...are very intelligent.
...are kind.
...are a good role model.
...are very alert.
...are funny.
...always motivate me.
...are unique.
...are very strong.
...are a picture of good health.
...are courageous.
...are very loving.
...bring out the best in me.
...make me want to be a better person.
...make me smile.
...are a wonderful cook.
...make hot dogs taste like a gourmet meal.
...are a wonderful caregiver.
...make me feel special.
...make me feel I can do anything.
...are fun to be with.
...are the wind beneath my wings.
...are the light of my life.”
Granted some of the canned ones sounded more like spam and would make people gag but what could the harm be? I am sure I know if my limited readership does not.
It really is in how and when flattering remarks are given that is paramount. I don’t think it would be appropriate to tell a French Chef that he/she makes hot dogs taste like a gourmet meal. Not only would the sincerity of the compliment be questioned but hopefully the appellation would not fit any occasion that might apply to a French Chef. Therein lies the crux of the problem: compliments often sound or are disingenuous.
Finding nice things to say can be very difficult for people not just because sometimes it seems impossible to find the right thing to say but also because frequently the compliment is not warranted or the right thing to say would be better left unsaid. Circumstances like these require a special tact I just don’t possess and, despite my mother being a huge proponent of the “If you can’t find something nice to say…” school of thinking I could never just sit mute when something begged to be pointed out or addressed. These instances can normally be covered by use of an extended allegorical metaphor… kind of a baffle them with bullshit offensive strategy that is couched enough not to appear as offensive as it is and is euphemistic in nature.
It takes real talent to disguise something as a compliment when really it is not. Often what was said is far beyond the comprehension of the person it is said about. For those who fall at the lower end of the bell shaped curve this is all about you. Sometimes an ah-ha moment can clear away the fog. This is usually what is desired by the person issuing the criticism.
It is not necessary to make some long extended allegorical metaphor to disguise a criticism. If the next time someone has an extended belch at the table or some cat or dawg rolphs up something huge and nasty on the rug it might be duty to clarify that “Nice One!” may not be praise for prowess.
© 09.22.2010 stevendphilbrick SR+ DakotaDawg
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